Love.Risk.Surf.Live

This hurts like hell But I keep telling myself It's gonna get better But it's taking forever I tried to go out But every time I leave the house Something reminds me Of what's now behind me Everyday I let go Just a little bit more In the end I'm gonna be alright But it might take a hundred sleepless nights To make the memories of you disappear But right now I can't see nothing through these tears Control my thoughts Convincing myself it's your loss I really mean it And I'm starting to believe it 'Cause everyday I let go Just a little bit more In the end I'm gonna be alright But it might take a hundred sleepless nights To make the memories of you disappear But right now I can't see nothing through these tears Out of sight but you're not out of my mind So it might take somebody else at night To make it feel like you were never here But right now I can't see nothing through

Typhoon Ompong Saturday, 10am Today I had my first ever tutorial service via University Tutor. A month ago I signed up at this website to set up my account and to offer my tutoring service. I've had a couple of inquiries since then but nothing really pushed through because they find my rate too high. Anyway I stuck with it because I feel like I shouldn't lower down my value just so to earn. I had this inquiry from a client who directly asked for the rate she wanted, and I declined. Days later, she contacted me again and said that his son really needs a tutor, so she scheduled a tutorial with me this morning. For an hour I have him problems on bacterial growth. I think he got the hang of solving such problems and he'll definitely do just fine in his next exam. Hopefully they book another session with me! :)

Finally got myself a new phone and now switching from android to ios! Think it was a good buy. I asked my Aunt who was in Poland to check compare the price of iPhone there. Apparently it's more expensive compared to local price here in Powermac. She has a layover in Dubai and checked out the price in dutyfree there. And yay score, plus it's tax free! The last time I bought myself a phone was 6 years ago when I was still working at NEDA and it was a Sony Ericson unit.

It's half day today in school so I made use of the free time wisely. It was a tiring one! I took the UV going to NEDA, but then I didn't realise I rode the wrong one. So I had to walk from Saint Francis to NEDA. I went to NEDA to request for my certificate of employment. The HR has a forum until Friday but the good thing is there was someone who received my request. From NEDA I walked going to SSS in Pioneer to add up my savings in Peso Fund. It's been a year I think since I last gave my contribution. Then from SSS, I walked all the way to Poveda! Now that's really far! I had the time to spare and surprisingly I enjoyed that long walk alone. Feeling accomplished after yay!

This afternoon we had a talk on this: wellbeing and mindfulness from the perspective of a registered psychologist. I feel like the talk was meant for me, as if the speaker was talking to me. I took down notes and really gave everything she said a thought. Recognise and experience the emotion- change how we think Accept the emotion Express emotions constructively-be active or write Use compassionate voice Never do these to yourself: asking the questions What if If only Why me Be present in the moment Cease to overthink Offline connections are important Do not compare Choose your influence   How to be mindful Connect-talk and listen; be there; feel connected Be active-do what you can Take notice-reminisce the simple things that give you joy Keep learning-embrace new experience Give-time, words, presence

Class suspended today due to heavy rains. To make use of the time wisely I finally fought my lazy self and went to SSS to get my UMID, Unified Multi-Purpose ID. It's a 4-1 identification card the Filipinos can use to transact with government agencies like SSS, Pagibig, PhilHealth, and GSIS. Well my purpose for getting one is so I can apply for a loan at SSS. I was number 57 when I arrived, and number 33 was being served. In 2 hours I was done with the process until ID capture. I will be getting the ID in 3 months.

August 11, 2018 Saturday Yesterday was a full day despite the rain. I braved driving to Makati even if I really hate driving there. I attended a seminar by Fortrust. It was an informative one and I got useful details I needed. It was raining when I left the seminar so my shoes were drenched too. Freezing cold in the car as I drove now to UP. I took the EDSA route and arrived around past 1pm. There were a couple of students who attended the GA. I attended because I wanted to know the new guidelines for thesis. I'm nearing that stage already surprisingly. One more semester, and I'm done with all coursework. After the meeting I went to UP Town with momi, to go check some dresses and jumpsuits I could wear for the wedding on Saturday. Apartment store have some elegant selections. I tried on a couple of them and finally found the best fit and look for me. Yay! It was still raining hard, cold wind. And a perfect dinner would be a hot ramen at Ramenagi! Yum!! I decided stay put

Finally gave in to the need to protect my mac! Been delaying to buy a decent sleeves for my mac because ackk it's expensive. Every time I pass by Power Mac or Beyond the box, I always look at their available incase sleeves. Yesterday I've decided to buy already the incase sleeves from Beyond the Box. Yay! It's not my fave color though but still the same brand. I like how feathery soft it is inside! 

During the ICT boot camp, my colleagues were talking about Buy Bust, an opening film in the Cinemalaya. They said since it's in the opening act, it means it's a must see!  "Because there's no other day but today!" was my thinking yesterday. Right after the ICT boot camp in school I asked my best friend to come with me and see it. The film was of course about a buy bust operation, high lighting the war on drugs theme in our country. It's a sad reality. Lots of innocent civilian people and even policemen killed. Drug dealers won't really end because they are being protected by some higher ups in the police department. The dirty political system and unceasing corruption. I still salute and honor the policemen who have clean conscience and whole heartedly doing their job. Bless them always and their family.

Reading Thought Catalog can bring you a myriad mix of emotions, heartbreaking, sad, contented, relieved, happy, fortunate and a whole lot more. This particular article highlighted important points as if slapping me in the face to wake up! When someone decides you’re not the one for them, don’t argue with them. When someone decides you’re not the one for them, do not, I repeat, do not question yourself.   When someone decides you’re not the one for them, love yourself enough to let them go.   When someone decides you’re not the one for them, take your time to find yourself again, a self that isn’t confined within anyone’s definition of “the one,” a self that’s true, a self that’s happy.   Remember your life before them. Remember all the moments you felt so happy, so confident, so strong and it had nothing to do with them or being chosen by them at all. Everything mentioned in the article pierced my heart, and allowed me to come back into my senses, and my logic

On the way to school, heavy rain poured! Many teachers and students came in late. Lucky for me I left the house earlier than usual. Spent the morning making my exam and prepping my slides for today's plenary. When unexpectedly classes in all levels got cancelled. So now the my problem is to plan a good schedule for the remaining days before the exam. Should be able to cover topics intended for the session. Yikes! There's been a lot of class suspensions and class disruptions. Before students were dismissed I went to the eco bazaar booths here in school. I support anything local and environment friendly! I bought for the first time shampoo bars. I hope this bar will work perfectly. And because I love beaded bracelets, can't resist buy another addition to my arm candies! I bought wellness stone set. Amazonite- promotes positivity; Howlite- elminates stress; Turquoise- strengthens body resistance. Got them from @bedazzleaccesories. I'm not really a believer of these stone

I agreed and entertained the suggestion to go talk to a doctor. I figured it could be good to hear from a professional, help me process what transpired. Took my half day today but then unfortunately I only learned about her emergency late! So we rescheduled. Her office was at Greenbelt. I was there already so I walked around. Feeling sentimental! Passed by the chapel. We heard mass here together. Then played in my mind that day when we spent our Sunday in Greenbelt. Knelt down and prayed. I prayed for him and I prayed for myself. Feeling better each day and extremely motivated more than ever. Thankful for the people who's been extra loving to me!  I don't like driving to Makati. I'm scared. Was very dependent on google to direct me, but then uuugh my reliable phone stopped working for a while. I missed a turn and later on was driving farther my destination. Minutes later my phone worked and continued to give direction. After my heart beating fast I then arrived! So I

Time flies! It's the eighth month of the year. What have I done? Now I have to seriously evaluate and plan where my life will go. It freaks me out! I feel like I'm not even at par with what my parents achieved when they were my age. I know, I shouldn't be comparing my life to them or to anyone else. I just can't help it. I'm laying down my plans here to help me stay focussed and be on track. Short term goals: I've entertained the idea of going abroad to work but never really did anything about it. So today, I'm finally doing something and looking at my options on how I can do just that.   I'm giving myself a year to finish my graduate studies. (Well whichever comes first, work abroad or finish school) Learn something new. When I went to Siargao in 2015 I told myself I will enroll in Honda to do the basic ride lesson but then I got lazy, deym it's been three years! So now I'm finally doing it in preparation for my cancelled Taiwan t

Yesterday I saw my colleague coming in late to school. Quite surprised he was late because he came from UP to enroll. All the while I thought enrollment starts today until Thursday, but no it's Monday until Wednesday only. And I filed my leave on Thurs! So I quickly informed our HR the change of my leave to today. By 1pm I was at UP already waiting for my adviser. Doc Amy wasn't around though, so Doc Manzano took over. It was a fast process for me cos I got all the subjects I enlisted for online. Completely done by 2pm. Looking forward to this semester! I'm excited to ace it. One more semester left after this one, and I'm on to thesis writing. Whew! Now I will have to keep reading so I can formulate a better topic proposal. Road to #bestthesis

My classmate from last sem really writes well, and I'm at awe with every thought provoking piece she posts on her facebook.  "Whatever you want in life, you must give up something to get it. The greater the value, the greater the sacrifice required of you. Everything has a price. There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, and a price to pay for just leaving things as they are. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easily." -Louise Licudi I've figured out things I want in my life. And I will work my ass off to get them. There's a roadmap on my mind and I know clearly how to get there. Really motivated now more than ever. Whew gotta hustle! Got no time for setbacks.  

This weekend I would say was a different take on the years I've been going to Baler. Before, it just used to be a surf weekend with friends; a solo travel to relieve stress from work or school; a tour because friends ask me to take them there. This weekend was my time to have some peace and quiet; a time for me to reconnect with myself; a time for healing; a time to regain strength; a time to reflect and be aware of the blessings I've overlooked. I had this high feeling of doing something right for myself. Apart from the stoke I get during and after surf, there's a renewed feeling I got the entire weekend. As if my troubles and worries were wiped out, not totally but at least the heavy load on my shoulders lightened. As I paddled out to the lineup it felt good to be one with the ocean.  You have to be mindful of the current and where the point breaks because otherwise you'll get stuck where the set is. Waves will crash over you, you'd feel being tossed around

I decided to have this "me time". I need it for me to focus on myself, focus on how to recover, focus on finding the goodness in everything, focus on appreciating the little things, focus on being mindful and being self aware. Boarded the 2:30am bus earlier to Baler, my forever happy place. It's where I find peace, calmness, and good vibes. The locals here just have that energy that uplifts me every time I walk along the beach or anywhere and they greet me with all smiles exclaiming I haven't gone back for so long, or just simply ask how I've been doing. My ever supportive and loving mother agreed that I needed this healing for myself, so without having second thoughts she booked me to a nice hotel here! Wow now that's a first. In the years I've been going here she never paid a place to stay for me. Well she knows I'm the practical type and won't splurge on a hotel, cos I normally just book at a single fan room when I solo travel here. For t

When I got home yesterday, I checked my facebook account and received a message from a friend who I haven't seen for a long time. She said she's meeting up with another common friend at City Golf and asked me to come with. Without having second thoughts I cancelled my scheduled tutorial, changed clothes, and immediately drove going there. This reunion was so random and unplanned. We haven't seen each other for years! Uncle Moe's was our forever tambayan to get below zero beers! So it also felt reliving the good old days. Surprisingly all three of us had a breakup story to tell. I don't know maybe we were brought together again at the right timing, to uplift and console each other. I'm thankful that I've got those friends whom I can comfortably talk to even if we don't regularly see each other. But when you do meet again, as if nothing has changed, the bond and friendship remains. Surfsisters

Been reading a lot of thought catalog articles and some quotes on facebook and instagram to uplift myself. I stumbled upon this comment by Wong Rachel on Facebook that I could relate to. What if a person is unaware of their traumas and suppressed emotions to actively work on it, and only finds out during the relationship? Are you going to love that person despite all their challenges and flaws? Just thinking from a different perspective. It is not always about how a person should be and how a person should fit into our box at the moment. A relationship should be hard work and maintenance. Because no one is perfect. This is just the tip of d iceberg. The way to experiencing a better relationship with loved ones is to remember that it is not just about us. If we truly loved a person, we'd work with them, Understand them, support, encourage, and be there for one another. It is a two-way experience. Sometimes, to love, is to be selfless... I am this exact person. I am unaware

"Yesterday I was clever so I was changing the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." Ask WHAT instead of why... What made me cry? What was painful that I cannot accept? What have I learned from the relationship?  What do I value more after everything? What can I do to make myself a better partner? During lunch today another close married friend at work noticed me unusually quiet and sad. So I shared to her what just happened to me over the weekend. I still can't stop the tears from falling as I recall every detail of that last conversation with R. It was good to hear from someone who is married and has more experience with relationships. She said things that made me feel somehow relieved and at peace. I'm thankful for the support of friends. It is indeed at times like this you will know who you're real friends are.

I’m over with the what if stage after I sent R the link to my entry on Questions I would have answered R. I think I’ve captured already there everything that I wanted him to know. I cried and smiled while answering those questions. I was alone at home and I cried in my room. That’s the only time I can break down, cos I don’t want momi to see me cry. It hurts me to see her worry about me. It felt good to just release everything.   I’m still feeling quite sad about the break up. Some would say that’s nothing! It’s good that it ended early on at least you saved yourself early on as well from heartaches. But you know what, a break up is a break up, whether the relationship is short or long spanned.     Early this morning on the way to school, I finally spoke up to momi and shared to her how it ended. It’s just comforting to hear a mother’s advice. There’s no need to be feeling at the losing end because the good thing is I learned from it, most especially from R. The things he

What did you think when you first met me? I thought you were a bad boy kind of guy. What do you remember most about the night/day we first met? You finishing up the bottle of beer cos I was already done drinking. And you showing me your big bike. What about our relationship makes you really happy? I’m happy that I got to know myself more and how I see relationships. I’m not happy that it had to end quick. How long did you think our relationship would last when we first started dating? I really thought this would be my last one. If you had one word to describe our relationship what would it be? Rollercoaster If you had one word to describe our love what would it be? Eternal What’s your biggest fear for this relationship? That things wont work out between us. Do you believe there’s one person you’re ‘meant’ to be with? Absolutely. I always pray for THE ONE. Do you believe in fate? destiny? Yeah I do. I think things happen for a reason and it’s fate and